Father Figure

‘I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection’. ~Sigmund Freud.

This is one among many quotes about a father, which I read a few years back. This one happens to make a mark in my mind.
Well, maybe I am not the right person to write about a father because I lost my father, when I was barely three years old. Father to me was someone, who was always present with us in our daily lives, but was physically absent. As I grew up, I kept hearing many stories about my father’s life from my grandmother, mother, sisters, uncles and aunts and our other family members. Those were stories from his childhood days, his school days, happy moments spent with his siblings and friends, as a student in Cotton College, and then his life at IIT, Kharagpur. The stories about his stay in London while studying at the Imperial College, followed by his stint as a professor at Engineering Colleges. I heard a lot about his excellent sense of humor. My mother use to tell us about their life after their marriage in Shillong and later at Assam Gas Company, about how he found time to write novels in spite of his busy schedule at work and frequent tours. The stories of my father were many and I always felt his presence near me, even in his absence. I remained inspired by his capability to emerge from a humble family background and achieve so much as a young man.
I felt I had many questions to ask him. As I grew up I missed him more and more and even felt lost at times. I felt his absence when I saw my friends come along with their fathers at the parent teachers’ meet at school. I missed him like anything during my days at the Delhi University, when my roommates used to talk about the special bond they had with their fathers. I felt his absence when I wanted to share my views about a book I read or about a painting I liked. I really wanted him to be there with us at the dining table and at those times I saw my mother take up a dual role, for us. I needed his counsel in those phases, which were the milestones of my life, to share my success and failures. At the time of my wedding, I felt his absence the most, because I was leaving my mother behind, all alone.
But all through these years my father has remained a strong life force behind me. The principles, virtues, morals and values that he practiced in his lifetime always helped me to take those decisions of which I have no regrets till date. I have met many of his contemporaries and acquaintances, who told me about his talents, intelligence, achievements, and about his wise counsel and helpfulness towards those who needed him. I remain in essence to try to live life according to my father’s principles and will continue to do so, till the very last day of my life. To me every single day is father’s day, and I guess it is so, for most of us. We all cherish our fathers who are or have been our role models, irrespective of the fact whether they are with us or someplace else, (in the spiritual plane). For each child his/her father is special.
Today while I play the role of a mother to our son, I feel it is the duty of every woman to encourage her child/ren to experience the love of their father and share a special bond with him. A child needs both parents during his/ her formative years and even later, as a grown up. I grew up with my mother and sisters, but I always had my father by my side, and for this I am very grateful to all those people who kept bringing him back into my life.
After all, a father is a father is a father……

 It's based on my life and my father Late Debendra Nath Acharya (Author)

Kids Can Inspire...

This is a conversation between a mom and her five and half year old son. The lady was telling her son (in very simple words) about the problem of illegal immigrants in Assam, the threat it poses to our future generations and on the socio-economic-cultural scenario of the State. The duo was just spending some time with each other in the evening after dinner.

Conversation:

The lady told her son, “I guess, maybe in another 15 years, we will have to immigrate to another part of this globe. Due to the problem of illegal immigration and the many incidents happening in Assam, we will become foreigners here after some years.” She did not try to elaborate the problems as the boy was too young to understand. She was only lamenting about the situation and wanted someone to listen to her, as it looked like a problem that has no solution. She said “We will try for your higher education in London or America.” The little boy was a little annoyed. He was very fond of his house, his neighborhood, his school and his friends.  He said, “Ma, why should we go from our place. This is the place where I was born and am living. If anyone has to leave it is them (the people you told me about), not us.” The mother persisted sadly, “But we are few in numbers and strength, so if we become fewer over the years, there will be no other alternative left”. The little boy got excited, “Few in number. What do you mean by that?”, he continued “ It is not numbers that count, it is DIMAG (Brains) coupled with strength, that will enable us to overcome such problems”. He then started speaking in Hindi (an evident influence of the cartoons) “Hamei aage bahrna hei. Bhagna nehi hei. Tumhe nahi pata?”. (We have to go forward. We cannot flee. Don’t you know this?). “How will they replace us?  They have no idea about how to enter our houses, how to switch on the T.V. or use the bathrooms. We know our place; they have no idea about it”. The innocence of the child coupled with his love for his motherland, brought a smile to his mother’s lips. She did not expect this kind of reaction from her son. She definitely learnt a few lessons from him. He showed her that nothing is impossible. No situation is so bad that it can’t be taken care of. And that the solution lies in the problem itself. She told her little one, “Now you go off to sleep…my boy. You need not worry; we will take care of what rightly belongs to us.”

After thought: 

ü  After the Asom Andolan, that took place in the 80’s there were no proper steps taken to stop infiltration of the people from across the porous border. The Asom Andolan was an attempt to check this immigration of foreigners, but then the leaders of the movement forgot the cause after they came into power.

ü  Over the years there has been unabated infiltration and occupation of our lands, even at the cost of deforestation of the forest regions, displacement of wildlife and rapid cutting down of trees and hills to accommodate the over population in the region.

ü  The economy of Assam has shown almost no growth in the past years, due to over population and dwindling job opportunities.

ü  Land patta and voting rights have been given to these foreigners by our political leaders, thus, making them permanent citizens of the State.

All these are done just to get the votes of these people, so that a Govt. stays in power or that it comes back to power again. Does  holding the reins of power, amassing wealth for their families, living in style, and moving in red light cars and people waiting to meet them, mean so much to them?

Would we ever sell our MOTHER for such small reasons? It is really a shame for the people who gleefully watch all these things happen and don’t even care. Now leaders like Narendra MODI have to come to our State to remind us about our rights and duties. This is heights of ignominy; being indifferent; and hiding our inadequacies under the veil of being accommodating...

If's

• ·       If our political leaders have some patriotism in their hearts and think about their future generations; we would be in a better position.
• ·         If the political leaders think beyond amassing wealth for their sons, grandsons and great grandsons and work towards the development of the State and its people, we would not have thought of fleeing from our own land.
• ·         If he intellectuals of our State take up this issue beyond the discussion forums and work for a proper workable solution; we could have given a better life to young people of our State.
• ·         If the younger generations who work for a livelihood and at the end of the day think about how to improve their lifestyle (by eating out, or going for a movie at a multiplex with friends and family or having a drink every evening) and think beyond the mundane, we can plan a beautiful Assam for the generations to come.

As the saying goes “It is better late than never”.  If we take up this issue, create awareness; and work towards a solution for the betterment of all, we still stand a chance to live in our State with dignity.

And by the way, how many of us really have the opportunity or education to go out of Assam and settle down with our families or to send our children abroad for higher education? The ones who are putting us in troubled waters (the political leaders) have these capacities, so they don’t care.

ARE WE FOOLING OURSELVES?

Weaver Birds Carnival 2015~Speech

Today we are celebrating the 2 nd Summer of Weaver Birds Carnival, an inter- school platform for interaction among children and I am happy to see that children love to be a part of such events, where they get a chance to interact, learn, compete and at the same time have a lot of fun. The theme of today’s carnival is-“presenting the Culture and tradition of North East India”. Keeping in tune to it, we organized an Art Competition on this theme, there was traditional dress competition and a Quiz Competition. There were also workshops for children on Pottery Painting, Terracotta creation, water hyacinth processing, traditional handloom, the Shatriya dance form etc. This year we chose this theme for Weaver Birds Carnival, so that we could encourage and initiate the little ones, into the basics of the Culture and Tradition of this region.

I believe, children are a store house of positive energy and creativity and I am sure, we all believe the same. Yet there are times, when we adults, knowingly or unknowingly, stifle their creative pursuits by bogging them more and more with routine work. This I feel is not right. Children should be allowed to express, explore and assess outcomes under the steady guidance of elders- be it parent, family members, or facilitators and they should not be restricted unnecessarily from pursuing their interests. If we do this, we interfere with their creative genius. Here I would like to quote Thomas Henry, who rightly said, “The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity”. Hence we see that all great work is the result of creative ideas/ big dreams—powered by enthusiasm and fearlessness; two very strong forces that every child carries in its heart. Here I would like to narrate an incident that happened in one of our centres while I was on a visit. A child was playing with some blocks, and arranging them in different ways, thus creating an assortment of designs. Well, those blocks were not meant to be arranged in the manner in which she was doing it, yet the outcome was brilliant. Without even knowing she was able to create from her imagination….something real wonderful. And what is it that I learnt from her?  I went back to my childhood when I was full of enthusiasm, fearlessness and had no inhibitions to try out new things.

And this is exactly what we endeavor to do in a pre-school. We want to facilitate our children to grow up, to become lifelong happy learners, to chalk out new pathways… And this we do by instilling in them confidence, love, trust and joy of learning. A pre-school is not only about academics. Here children learn to interact, communicate, develop social skills, know themselves and their peers, develop team spirit, life skills and a lot more. It is the foundation of their character. Children learn from what they see, feel, experience and the conditions under which they grow up. We adults should always try to motivate them with positive inputs, so that they grow up to become individuals who contribute positively to the society and the nation.

With this note I wind up my speech and wish every little one present here a very bright future. Thank you. 

Being Women, For Women

We are Women: ~in the role of daughters, sisters, wives, lovers, mothers ….. We are women: ~ trying to play every role we are in; in a perfect way….. We are women: ~sharing our joys and bearing our sorrows, yet moving on with grace….. We are women: Brought up to be decent girls, abiding wives, working ladies yet wonderful homemakers, non-glamorous yet smart individuals, sharp witted yet non questioning, accepting what is given but expected to be non-demanding… I am also a WOMAN …..but I don’t really enjoy being one. I guess there are many others who feel the same. Because I don’t intend to be answerable to anyone; I am not willing to alter my not so womanly dress sense or for that matter my taste in food and sandals for someone’s fancy; and it is almost impossible to mould me into the societal norms of womanly standards. I am glad to do as I please and so I suffer…..I suffer from womanhood. This is real bad suffering, I must admit, the feeling of inadequacy kills. After all the high and higher education, the work experiences and years of disconnection with day to day household chores…..I turned out to be a total misfit in my marital home. I felt grossly undervalued in spite of my double role (as a homemaker & career woman) quite well. And in the last nine years of marriage I survived all of ‘it’- and in fact I have played great double role (by the way ‘survival of the fittest’….. is a proven theory). Finally I am liberated. By the grace of God I was blessed with a baby boy in the midst of my role shuffling. From the day he was born, I have felt the need to instill in him the sense of respect and love for women (I definitely don’t want the women in his life suffer). After all, ALL MEN great and small are born of women. Then how can they disrespect their mothers, eve- tease every female who pass by their ‘addas’ ( male gatherings), rape women irrespective of their ages, beat up their wives over small issues, and then blame the women for the misfortunes that befalls them? They do it because we mothers forget to teach our little boys about US. We forget to tell our little girls that they are equal to their brothers. We forget to teach them that they should never play second fiddle to anyone. As mothers, sisters, mother-in laws, whatever role we are in we downplay ourselves. We teach them to be submissive, tolerant and surrender to oppression. No amount of financial independence can bring us back our VALUE as women. It is the essence of womanhood and self belief that will liberate us from the bindings we put on ourselves. We have to be ‘WOMEN’ for ‘WOMEN’. 'Primal Shakti I bow to thee; All encompassing Shakti, I bow to thee; That through which God creates, I bow to thee; Creative power of the Kundalani; Mother of all, To thee I bow…
 (This write-up was published in The Assam Tribune, Friday supplement HORIZON, on 7 th March 2014, on the eve of International Womens’ Day)

D WOMEN WAY~an empowering experience

It was a real wonderful experience to be a part (as an awardee) of the World Women Leadership Awards which is hosted by the World Women Leadership Congress (WWLC) annually to identify and celebrate the outstanding leadership and achievements demonstrated by Women leaders that are reflected by the distinct innovations and initiatives brought by them in various private and public sectors. The award ceremony was followed by panel discussions on various topics like ‘Wonder Women –Power and Quest for perfection’, ‘Women in Leadership-Investing in others/investing in yourself’, ‘Saying Yes to You, the courage to play big’ etc. The panel discussions were the most interesting and enlightening part of the event and brought into focus a lot of issues related to working women, the challenges we face in the male dominated industries, advantages at work, work life balance, how we deal with our achievements and failures, the courage to play big, the chains that bind us, and the expectations we try to meet etc.

Some women achievers shared their life experiences on stage that are worth reckoning. They spoke about how they had a tough time balancing home and work fronts and how at many times they returned from a point when they wanted to throw in the towel. Also there was an inspiring story of one of the awardees where she narrated how her family supported her to build up the career of her choice. She was encouraged by her husband who turned into a full time home maker, so that she could achieve her dreams. There were discussions about the compromises women make for the home and family, and how we strive to strike a balance between the two. We commonly agreed that women cannot be Wonder Women and the term ‘Wonder Women’ is in fact a myth as there are continuous challenges that women face and that they need to deal with them all the time. Rightly said. Women should make their choices clearly and go ahead consciously and with awareness as regards their priorities and the choices they make. Women can multitask but it is not humanly possible to excel in everything they do. So the best possible way out is to outsource stuff we cannot do (like cooking and cleaning etc.) to others in order to have a peaceful atmosphere at home and work place.

I believe that women should also stop competing among themselves, pull each other down and instead help each other grow. We should not be in denial of our innate talents and capabilities and should foster the strength and determination to pursue our goals with confidence. There was a story of one woman who was expected to compromise in her work place in order to climb up the ladder of success. She stuck to her guns and today she is proud to see where she stands, on the basis of her merit and without compromising on her ethics. She hence broke the glass ceiling with sheer determination. I strongly feel that in a male dominated work place one needs to find out ways to excel and also to keep up her dignity and never ask for favours in the job she does. I think, women should not shy away from the word ‘Feminism’ (the advocacy of women’s right on the ground of the equality of the sexes) and instead use it more often to feel empowered. Women, as mothers, should teach their boys to respect women, for what they are and value what they do. A lady who heads an NGO called ‘He For She’ spoke about how we should partner with men instead of treating them as competitors, in achieving our career goals. The need of support from our male counterparts cannot be ruled out. It’s the need of the hour to teach the boys to respect women and the girls to understand that they should not play second fiddle to anyone. We talked about the loneliness one faces ‘AT the TOP’ and ways to remain grounded in spite of the soaring careers. At the end of the day, we go back home to our families who are our real support and hence it is important to maintain a balance between the two and not compromise on either. The keynote speaker, Padmashree, Mr. Alayque Padamsee, spoke about the need to address the spirit of universal ‘Personhood’, wherein everyone helps each other grow, join hands irrespective of gender, colour, community differences. The basis of all growth is Nurturing…if we nurture with care, we can create Magic. This was a brilliant platform where we got a chance to interact and share our views with women achievers who have been very successful in their career pursuits, yet have displayed high moral values, integrity and did not compromise on their family life, relationships to climb the ladder UP. We need such role models to inspire our girls who are ready to leap over the threshold in search of their career goals.

When I look back upon this day, I feel a sense of pride in being a woman. It has been one of the most wonderful days of my life and I am convinced yet again that women have the power to achieve what they want, irrespective of all the challenges they meet on the way. Kudos to the Spirit of Womanhood….

 “Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…”says the mysterious old man. “What is the world’s greatest lie?”the little boy asks. The old man replies’ “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie”. ~Alchemist.

Vasavi Acharya 

(vasavi2005@yahoo.com)

This write up was published in The Assam Tribune, Sunday Reading on 6.3.16.

Shakti...the Feminine Energy

Durga, as perceived by me (when I was a child) was an enchantress Goddess, the one I admired, for beauty, adornments, the gorgeous dress up and above all her stature as the slayer of the all powerful demon, Mahisasura. I come from/of a family, in which Durga Puja has been celebrated for over 100 years and remember my grandmother telling us about the times, when she used to celebrate the family puja, as a young girl. Trying to keep our family traditions alive, I make an attempt to narrate the story of the enchantress Goddess to my little son. He was very excited to hear the tale which was punctuated with many questions from his end. Sensing his enthusiasm, I stressed a bit more about the feminine power and the need to respect women. Being a boy his little male ego being hurt (I suppose) he told me that although Durga was a Goddess, she was after all invoked and given a form and her powers by the male Gods. This observation came to me as a surprise, first because he is too young to make such a comment and second because I being a mother have paid little attention to this very important part of his growing up---to develop, love and respect for ‘Shakti’, as the mother Goddess as well as in her human form ‘women’. Being a Shakta at heart and an upholder of feminine energy, I wanted to gather more information about ‘Shakti’ and the Shakta philosophy. The Sanskrit word ‘Shakti’ can be translated as meaning power or energy. This power is witnessed in all the various phenomena of life- the brilliance of the sun, water, wind and the other life forces. It also represents intelligence, compassion and divine love. Most significantly, Shakti is an exclusive feminine principle. There is mention of many Goddesses in the Rig Veda, the Epics and the Puranas. It is very difficult to find Hindu literature without the mention of feminine power. The respect of Shakti in Hinduism, is also seen in the various schools of Indian Philosophy like the Vedanta School, Samkhya School , Mimamsakas. Samkhya teaches the dualistic doctrine of Prakriti (Matter) and Purush (Spirit) representing the female and the male respectively. The idea of Prakriti and Purusha is seen in the concept of Divine Consort also. It is seen that Vishnu has Lakshmi, Shiva has Parvati, Krishna has Radha as their eternal companion(Sakha) . So integral is the relationship between Prakriti and Pususha that one cannot exist without the other. This philosophy is also imbibed in the concept of Ardhanarishvara- the representation of God being half man and half woman. They are two aspects of the same being and complement each other. In Hinduism, every woman is said to be manifestation of the Divine Shakti. The feminine principle is believed to be directly present in creation in the form of our mothers, sisters, daughters and wives. If our age old Hindu philosophy gives so much respect to women, why do we see so many incidents of injustice being committed against women daily in our society? Why are our women not safe in a country, where ‘Shakti’ is revered as the great Mother Goddess? I strongly believe that this is because of our inability to impart the knowledge of our ancient Scriptures to our upcoming generations, who are our future nation builders. It is our prime responsibility as parents or teachers to inculcate these values in our younger generations. A woman, as a mother can be the best teacher as she is guided by love and compassion while delivering knowledge. Today’s women need to act as torch bearers and enlighten everyone about their real place in their house and in the society. Till the day the position/ status of woman is not revered in every household; if she is not respected and cared for, there is no significance of the grand pujas we celebrate every year.

THE GHATS OF BANARAS

Varanasi more popularly known as Benaras, located at Uttar Pradesh, is a city famous for its ghats (in the bank of the Ganga river), the Kashi Vishwanath temple (which is one of the 12 jyotirlingams in India) and its University (Beneras Hindu University). It is undoubtedly a ‘punya bhumi’ which gives one peace of mind and enables one’s soul to connect to the supernatural energy - GOD. A trip to Varanasi was planned by me and my mother long ago but it never happened, until one day, I decided that we buy the tickets and chalk out our itinerary. And this is how our trip materialized last October, during the period of SHRADH (a Hindu ritual performed for one’s ancestors, deceased parents and relatives).

We reached Varanasi airport in the afternoon and proceeded towards the hotel we had booked. As it was a hot afternoon (it looked like winter was nowhere near the corner) we first checked in at the hotel and decided to visit the Kashi Vishwanath temple (Shrine of Lord Shiva) in the evening. The weather in the evening turned somewhat pleasant and we ventured out. Through the crowded streets our car steered in the direction of the Vishwanath Temple, which is located at the heart of the city,in a crowded locality. The streets we walked through were so narrow that not even two motorcycles could cross at a time. After depositing our sandals, camera and belongings in a locker in one of the shops near the temple, we queued for Darshan. In our hands we held a small basket containing earthen lamps, incense sticks, packet of white sweets (prasadam) flowers and garlands to offer in the temple. We entered the temple premises and took the help of a local priest to guide us and show us around. The priest told us about the temple complex which consists of a series of shrines, located in the Vishwanath Gali. The main deity is linga Vishwanath which is surrounded by other temples like the Dundi Ganesh, Annapurna devi, Vinayaka etc. There is a well known as the Jnana Vapi (well of wisdom), where it is believe that the linga was hidden at the time of invasion by Aurangzeb. We visited each shrine and took blessings of the Gods. After that we went to the bank of the river Ganga for the Ganga aarti, which thousands of pilgrims gather to. We took a boat from the Dashashwamedh Ghat (a ghat is basically stairs that lead to the river Ganga where pilgrims take bath in the holy river to attain Moksha and offer prayers) to view the aarti performed by priests, for about half an hour. It was an ethereal experience; with the resonance of chants, lit lamps and priests dancing to the tune of the chants with the lamps in hand. After the aarti we took a boat ride along the ghats and stopped our boat at the Manikarnika Ghat. This ghat is most known for being a place of Hindu cremation. We saw pyres burning and there was a beeline of dead bodies coming in to be cremated. It was an unnerving yet enlightening experience. After the evening boat ride we retired for the day. The next morning before sunrise we reached the ghats again for a morning boat ride. It was indeed a spectacular sight, the sun rising, people bathing and chanting, some people performing puja, some in other boats soaking in the experience. We bought some earthen lamps from a vendor, lit them and left in the river to float. Dipping my feet in the holy water was a heavenly. During the boat ride we stopped the boat near the Kedar Ghat, alighted and climbed up the steps to the Kedar temple for darshan. Some other ghats we saw were Raj Ghat, Assi Ghat, Harishchandra Ghat Munshi ghat to name a few. After the boat ride we had our breakfast and went to the Kaal Bhairav temple (Shiva shrine). It is a fierce manifestation of Lord Shiva and is accompanied by a dog. After the temple visit we went to the Assi Ghat by car, stopped there for a while and on our way back peeked into Baba Kinaram Sthal, the epicenter of Aghor traditions. Later in the day we went shopping for sarees, tasted delicacies like chaat, Kachori, thandai, lassi, khoya malai rabri, Benarasi paan. We also visited the Ramnagar Fort located on the opposite side of the Ganga Ghats. The fort houses a museum which has unique artifacts.

From Varanasi we proceeded to Lucknow via Allahabad,(formerly known as Prayag). At Allahabad we visited the Ananda Bhavan, built by the Indian leader Motilal Nehru as the Nehru family residence. After that we went to see the Triveni Sangam, which is the confluence of three rivers the Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati. The place is considered as one of the sites of the Kumbh mela that happens every 12 years. By evening we reached Lucknow and stayed there for another day.

This was an incredible journey. While we boarded our flight for Guwahati, all I could think of was to plan another visit to these sacred places.

Vasavi Acharya Bora

Feedback may be given at:

vasavi2005@yahoo.com

This write up was published in the Assam Tribune on 29 th July 2016.

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